heyitsrachelburton

life is all a learning process. i have screwed up pretty bad in the past two months. had some harsh rules put on me after the first screw up, yet i still managed to not learn a lesson.

however, today,.. i let go of always double checking things that i know i shouldn’t have to, and got taught a major lesson that has shown me i am done fucking up. i am done being lazy and not checking and checking before i actually go ahead to do something.

i have put so many people in a pickle because of my mistakes. i have disappointed so many people because of my mistakes. my parents, my boyfriend. crying isn’t going to get me anywhere at times like these.

it’s all about realizing shit happens. i need to make sure to be more careful and not rush to get somewhere or get things done. make enough time in my schedule so that these mistakes don’t happen. now although my mistake today, i don’t feel as though i was in a rush, it was another moment where i became lackadaisical in my routine and messed up again.  

THIS CAN NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. i have learned my lesson to take my time, learn that things can be pushed to the next day. and most of all, the people i don’t always feel care, really do. especially when they are the ones yelling at me saying they know i’m better and smarter to be making decisions like this.

it comes off that they are trying to teach me, and i hate being taught in life, i’d rather learn on my own, but there are some things that you really do have to take advice from elders, even if they are your boyfriend and only two years older than you.  yelling and arguing won’t get you anywhere. just soak up all the advice they have given you, and use is at all times. 

i am so sorry mom and dad for putting us in such a financial pickle from that first car wreck. i became very lazy in my routine and didn’t make sure to check my surroundings as i should always do. as i always have.  i am finally realizing that i need to set my priorities straight. and that’s why i am so excited for summer for, i can start on a clean slate and begin working harder in my school career and get back on gear.

get back to hanging with my friends, making sure my boyfriend is still feeling like a huge priority, because he truly is, he means so much to me, but still making sure that my future is secure in my school work and in my family.

to mike, you mean the world to me. i never meant to mess up this bad twice in two months.  i didn’t mean to damage your truck, or to be in the driver seat when that car hit me today. i never meant to make you mad or frustrate you to the point of us arguing. i understand you’re just trying to help because you care and want me to be the best girl you know that i am. i’m so sorry for the pickle i have put you in as well. i will do whatever it takes to make it all workout smoothly. <3

and to God. thank you so much for no one getting hurt in these car accidents. and thank you for bringing my family through these tough times, as i have been lazy in some of my normal routines causing major damage in physical things, as well as trusting relationships.  i am making a change starting right now, and becoming the girl i know i can be. that strong girl who knows better than to get lazy in how i drive, better than to get lazy in school this horribly, and better than to hurt anyone that means this much to me.  you are my savior and i thank you for everything that you have presented into my life. i will forever be grateful, and will from this day forward never take those things for granted.

peace and love world.